Why Does Grief Hurt So Much?

Emotions that arise when we grieve can often feel surprising. Some days they are intense, some days they are mild. This experience can also be confusing, one may experience themself grieving an abusive relationship, another may experience feeling relief that their loved one is no longer suffering. Needless to say, grief is complicated. But why does it hurt so much? 

Grief hurts because it’s personal, it forces us to accept a new reality, a new “normal”. Grief also hurts because others don’t understand, or our grief doesn’t feel “warranted”. But most importantly, grief hurts because your body experiences your loss with you too. 

When you’re grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones are prancing around in your head. This disruption of hormones in your body results in disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue, and anxiety.  Imaging studies of the brain show that the same brain regions that are affected in a traumatic brain injury, are also activated by deep emotional pain such as the pain we experience with grief. This is the far-reaching impact of traumatic loss on our bodies and brains.