The Weight of Expectation: When Success Isn’t Enough
Expectations around success can be especially intense amongst communities of immigrants, such as South Asians in the United States. Whether you were born in the US or you relocated to the US with your family, South Asian individuals in the diaspora are often held to high standards from childhood all the way into adulthood.
Some of these expectations are influenced by cultural beliefs and traditions. But families can also emphasize these high expectations out of economic necessity. It takes immense effort for immigrant families to achieve financial stability after leaving their home countries. But the weight of these expectations can also lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression for younger generations. Here’s why aiming for perfectionism means that success often doesn’t feel like “enough.”
Intense Pressure to Achieve
For many people from South Asian backgrounds, the intense pressure to succeed begins at a young age. This pressure can extend into every area of life, including academics, future careers, meeting family obligations, and extracurriculars.
You might feel like you have to give everything one hundred percent of your effort. While the results may look impressive to other people, you may not have much energy left for socializing or hobbies. Your own passions might be pushed to the back burner.
High Expectations and Perfectionism
When you’re trying to excel in every domain, you can end up sliding into perfectionist tendencies. Suddenly, the smallest mistake can feel like a major mishap. It can seem like you need to maintain a perfect track record in order to set yourself up for success in adulthood.
The fear and anxiety that accompany these mistakes can feel almost debilitating. No matter how much you’ve already accomplished, it can be hard to acknowledge your strengths and give yourself grace when you make a mistake.
The Weight of Family Sacrifices
Why is it so difficult to let go of these expectations, practice self-compassion, and move through life at your own pace? For South Asians who grew up learning about the sacrifices made by older generations of their families, it can feel like relaxing simply isn’t an option.
Additionally, some cultures have strong beliefs about honoring one’s family. Therefore, you might feel like you need to “save face” for your family. Your successes may be viewed as their successes, and your parents might feel like your mistakes will inevitably be seen as their mistakes, too.
The “Model Minority” Myth
South Asians aren’t just trying to meet high expectations within their own families. The persistent “model minority” myth in American culture upholds the idea that South Asians must fulfill a high-achieving stereotype.
At first glance, it can seem like the model minority myth is an example of a “positive” stereotype. But in reality, this myth just contributes to unrealistic expectations and pressure to succeed in academic or professional pursuits that may not align with one’s individual strengths.
External Success vs. Internal Peace
After dedicating so much time and energy to achieving external markers of success, you might anticipate feeling fulfilled and content.
But what if external success doesn’t bring the internal peace you were hoping for? Instead, you may be struggling with anxiety, depression, or a lack of motivation to keep pushing yourself. Sometimes, you may need to take a step back and reflect on what feels truly meaningful to you. With support and guidance, it’s possible to build a life you find personally fulfilling while maintaining close ties with your family and community.
Next Steps
If you’re struggling with burnout after spending years striving for perfectionism, working with a culturally responsive therapist specializing in South Asian Therapy can help you heal. Reach out to our practice to learn more about our approach.