Navigating the Complexity of South Asian Cultural Norms While Being LGBTQIA+
All you have ever wanted is to feel like you belong. Like this world has space for you. Like you can live your truth whilst retaining your culture and traditions. But society wants to push you out. “You can’t be Indian and gay; You can’t be Muslim and queer; You can’t be Pakistani and trans; You can’t be you”. You feel a pressure to sacrifice parts of yourself. Either uphold your queerness or your culture, you are told there is no place for both. This is commonly the experience of queer South-Asian folks all over the world.
Homophobia and anti-queer ideology is a universal sentiment. South Asian communities are no more discriminatory than other western communities. However, the interconnectedness and dominating influence of tradition, religion, and culture make this discrimination more insidious and far-reaching. Most South Asian cultural traditions are built on the foundation of religious scripture and teachings. Unfortunately, the loudest religious voices propagate the idea that homosexuality and gender variance are immoral and wrong.
Although gender variance and homosexuality have existed for decades in recorded South Asian history, as early as the 1650s, modern religious fundamentalism attributes this existence as anomalous deviance. Given how tightly interwoven religion, culture, tradition, and identity are in South Asian communities, Queer South Asian individuals feel a sense of pressure to completely forego their cultural identities in order to live their truth. This sense of pressure is often inflicted upon them by familial, societal, and legal discrimination and ostracization. Although Queer South Asian folks may be able to break free from these invisible societal shackles, they oftentimes internalize this hateful messaging (despite rationally seeing its harm). This leads to feelings of self-hate, self-doubt, indecision, and a disordered relationship with sex, intimacy, or their bodies.
For many Queer South Asian people, coming out is a lifelong journey that may require different approaches to different scenarios - because of traditions, and cultural norms that lay emphasis on their duty and obligation to their family and community. Coming out is a deeply personal experience and choice, and what that looks like differs for every single person. The intersecting existence of being a person of color whilst being LGBTQIA+ puts South Asian Queer folk in a tender position that is that much more difficult to manage.
What is important to know, and what the people holding you back don’t want you to know is that you are not alone. People like us exist, they exist in millions, they don’t just exist, they laugh, they feel joy, they eventually find happiness, they find community, they honor their culture and their identities - they thrive. The first step in breaking away from societal expectations of you should be is seeing yourself represented in the world.
At Repose, we have South Asian clinicians that identify as queer or are queer allied. Some of our clinicians have walked your walk, they see your pain, and they can help you not feel so alone in enduring it. They help you overcome it. They help you come back to yourself. If you are interested in working with a Repose clinician, click here to schedule a 15-minute free consultation with our client concierge to see which of our clinicians might be best suited for you. You can also click here to learn more about the services Repose offers for South Asian people.
Some additional resources provided by SASMHA are:
The Muslim Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity works to affirm that all Muslims have a right to claim their faith and identity–irrespective of sexual identity, gender identity and expression, relationship formation, or spiritual practice or communities–and be fully and meaningfully included in the religious, civic, and social life of Muslim communities.
Desi Rainbow Parents & Allies is an all-volunteer network of South Asians in North America who are dedicated to promoting awareness about LGBTQ issues and supporting LGBTQ individuals and their families. They have a variety of virtual support, allied, and educational groups and events you can find at www.facebook.com/DesiRainbowParents/.
The South Asian Lesbian and Gay Association of New York City (SALGA-NYC) serves to promote awareness, acceptance, empowerment, and safe inclusive spaces for people of all sexual and gender identities, who trace their heritage to South Asia or who identify as South Asian. SALGA features a support group that meets every second Saturday of the month from 4:00pm to 6:00pm at the Lesbian and Gay Community Center (208 W 13th Street, between 7th & 8th Aves., New York, NY).
- Prerna Menon, LCSW, CTP, SIFI