Breaking the Silence: Intergenerational Trauma in East Asian Families

Growing up in an East Asian family with a history of intergenerational trauma, you may have been taught to keep your feelings to yourself. Perhaps your parents or grandparents immigrated due to the threat of war, political repression, or grinding poverty. Not only did they bring the cultural memories of intense hardship with them, but they also may uphold a collectivist mindset. This often entails handling problems on your own rather than expressing your emotions in a way that might disturb the group dynamic.

When you’re navigating intergenerational trauma, it can be hard to open up to your family. Exploring the roots of intergenerational trauma in East Asian communities can help you carve a path forward and embrace your healing journey.

History of Trauma and Displacement

The distinct roots of intergenerational trauma can be unique to each family. For many East Asian families, leaving their native countries and cultures behind was not a choice. They may have had to flee war, genocide, or persecution. Alternatively, they may have made a decision to leave under economic duress due to a lack of opportunities for their children.

By sharing stories of these events, older generations might pass down certain fears. It might feel like you always have to fulfill high expectations simply to establish a secure position in society. As a result, you might try to ignore discomfort, burnout, or depression and maintain a stoic appearance instead.

Collectivist Values

East Asian societies are typically centered on collectivist values, while Western cultures uphold an individualist perspective. Collectivist societies prioritize the well-being and stability of the group over the individual.

While you might enjoy a stronger sense of community, you might also feel like you have to repress negative feelings in order to keep the peace. Additionally, you may have certain obligations, like caring for older family members, to maintain the family structure as years go on.

Legacy of Silence and Emotional Restraint

It’s not just collectivist values that can make it tricky to talk about intergenerational trauma. Throughout your childhood, you may have watched as your parents handled challenges without complaint and worked hard throughout lean times. They might not have had the space to share their struggles openly, so they stayed silent out of necessity. As you grew up, you felt as though you had to follow in their footsteps. Maybe you questioned whether you really had the right to ask for help or address trauma.

Creating Space for Healing

How can you pursue healing from intergenerational trauma? Sometimes, small steps can take you a long way. Finding a safe way to share your emotions is a good place to start. This could include journaling, talking to a close friend or sibling, or seeking out a therapist who understands your background.

Furthermore, consider how you can deepen your connections with older family members in ways that feel comfortable and accessible for them. Spending time together on activities you both enjoy can bring you closer, even if you’re not directly talking about your family’s past.

Writing a New Narrative

Over time, you can write a new narrative beyond emotional repression. You have the opportunity to practice setting small boundaries when you’re faced with unrealistic expectations and standards. Additionally, you can shift the way you talk about mental health in your own life, even if your family has trouble sharing their own emotions. It might be up to you to pave the way for something new, but you can break new ground.

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If you’re struggling to overcome intergenerational trauma, our mental health professionals focusing on East Asian therapy are here to support you through your journey. Contact our practice to learn more about our offerings.