An Open Letter to Moms Doing it All

Dear depleted mother,

We know your life force well. Your roots dive deep into the rich earth, reaching, surging, twisting, curling, grounding the growing tree of your family. You nurture, strengthen, and stabilize. You give so much of yourself. You are overextended. 

Perhaps you are a mother with a job yearning for her children; perhaps you are a mother around-the-clock, longing for a sense of something beyond her children. Maybe the fantasy of “doing it all” is crumbling into the reality of feeling unsuccessful at every turn. You were already questioning your choices. Then, the COVID-19 crisis upended those choices, pushing you to your edge.

You’re working on the next steps, but life is still challenging for you.

We know that no matter how you have decided to navigate the tension around family and work choices, there is an ache within. Embattled emotions have another foil to face: time. You never have enough of it. Time both lingers and robs you. Your body aches to put down a heavy child while your mind already grieves the last time your child will need to be held by you. 

And on the heels of the ache, hangs the guilt. The shoulds. I should be spending more time with them. I should have prepared better for the presentation. I should be more patient. I should be enjoying this. That is what they say, isn’t it? “Enjoy every second! It goes by so fast!” Society’s critical feedback loop does not help: “Breast is best! But a fed baby is a healthy baby; Break the glass ceiling! But don’t miss a milestone. Be an exemplary parent! But protect your self-care.” 

Our Therapists Get Why You’re Struggling…

It is no small wonder mothers struggle. While fathers and partners are more involved in parenting than ever before, the invisible load of motherhood persists. This is the unseen, uncompensated physical, mental, and emotional work it takes to hold families together. Restocking diapers, knowing your children’s clothing sizes, making and attending doctor’s appointments, being the family timekeeper, researching best practices, riding tantrum waves, and motivating older kids to do school work – all of this seems to fall on you, tired mother. In the midst of the pandemic, it is you, mother, who has shouldered the burden of both disproportionate job loss and increased child care demands.  

This is heavy. At Repose Therapy, we are here to help you carry the strange dichotomy of what you have been told will be (and maybe) your greatest joy that can also absolutely be your greatest struggle. Together, we can explore how to hold the happiness and pain of motherhood at once in your body. We can sift through the noise of unrealistic societal expectations to hear what rings true for you, and you alone. With determination, we will uncover spaces in which to breathe. We will put our minds to softening the impossible to find possibility. 

Often Doing The Most is Praised, Self-Care is Looked Down Upon…

Another word for overextended is exceeded. From there, surpassed. Transcended. And so it is, that by virtue of being a mother, you have expanded incredibly. You have become more than we can conceive. When you are physically and emotionally dehydrated, remember this expansion and that within it, you carry on. It may feel like it is not enough. Still, you are growing, adapting, shifting; you are holding yourself and your family together. Even on your worst day, you are doing it.

Know this: growth takes incredible resources. And also this: the depth of a mother’s resource well is unfathomable. At Repose, we are here to help you tap it. REACH OUT to learn more about MATERNAL THERAPY.