Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling at Repose Therapy
“Then the more reliable and consistent we are in our follow through on commitments, and our relationship repair work the deeper trust grows.”
― Gina Senarighi
You’re a couple in distress, your best friend is beginning to feel like the person you least want to be around whilst at the same time, you feel drawn to them when life feels difficult, you’re beginning to question if this was the right relationship for you, if your person is still your person. You want hope.
Why Take a Chance on Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy at Repose Therapy?
To answer this, here is a research-driven fact: ongoing distress in one's relationship is harmful to each individual partner's physical and mental health (Robles et al., 2014). We know this; however, despite this awareness, MARRIAGE COUNSELING AND COUPLES THERAPY in New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut is a treatment intervention that is commonly feared. We wait for things to get “really bad” to seek help, we let shame guide our decision to reach out, we succumb to societal stigma. Furthermore, we may find ourselves saying things like: are things really bad enough for us to be in couples therapy? If we can’t fix this problem ourselves no one else can.
Brewing emotional distance in a relationship is oftentimes caused by chronic stress and conflict. This can leave us feeling like we are stranded in the middle of the ocean. Barely staying afloat—desperate for connection, security, and safety. The missing piece of commitment and trust perpetuates toxic interactions that push partners farther away from each other. Rather than building a path to find their way back to each other, they start to notice a growing wall smack in the middle of their relationship.
Marriage Counseling and Couples therapy helps you not feel like you are on a tight rope without a safety net. It offers you the space to access pain points, resolve conflict, and ask the hard questions whilst ensuring you don’t instantaneously unravel.
When is the “Right Time” to Seek Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy at Repose Therapy?
The truth. There is no right time. Only the right time for you and your partner(s). Things don’t need to get really bad for you to reach out for help. As with anything, don’t let the wound fester because you get it treated. Relationships require work, fine-tuning, enhancement, reflection, and continued commitment to each other. Couples Therapy is one such avenue to explore and make space for these conversations.
What are Some Reasons to Seek Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy in New York, Connecticut, or New Jersey?
Although there is no right time, here are some reasons why folks may seek out marriage counseling and couples therapy: 
You have differences in parenting styles that often lead to conflict
Perhaps, you find yourself repeating the same fight over and over again
You are dissatisfied with the amount on intimacy, sex, or affection there is in the relationship
Maybe, you feel like you and your partner are sexually mismatched
You feel under-appreciated, unseen, or invalidated in your relationship
Are your partner(s) wish to separate amicably
Or are you experiencing emotional loneliness and distance
You find yourself fighting excessively in moments of high stress
There is mismanagement of or disagreement about your finances
You have the desire to better your relationship
Perhaps, you are moving through a big life transition
Or, you are managing the presence of betrayal
You are managing the transition from couple-hood to parenthood
And, you are managing the transition from parenthood to having an empty nest
You are considering a divorce or breakup
Maybe, you want to build a strong foundation for your relationship before marriage
You have mismatched attachment styles
Or, you feel like your emotional needs are not being met
You are managing the loss of a child
You want to support each other better through pregnancy
What are some common myths about marriage counseling and couples therapy?
Myth: If we go to Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy we are clearly not strong enough to be able to manage this issue on our own
Fact: You are stuck in the shame game. Constantly trying to dig yourself out a hold whilst simultaneously shoveling the dirt right back in. All that therapy is, is a difference in perspective, a view from the outside to help you gain clarity.
Myth: Things need to be really bad for us to resort to a couples therapist.
Fact: Often couples that say this are in denial, acknowledging the extent of their issues feels daunting and overwhelming. It is important to recognize this denial, to then get the help you need. This sense of denial breeds tension and conflict because it results in the person vocalizing the need for outside help feeling minimized.
Myth: If my partner is the problem, and not me, we don’t need marriage counseling or couples therapy!
Fact: This line of thinking keeps us stuck in the cycle of victim and victimizer. It leaves us feeling disempowered and helpless. If you wish to find repair in your relationship, you have to see the repair process as being a dual effort. Couples therapy helps partners recognize the dynamics that may exist in the relationship, where they come from, and how to manage them better without making one singular partner in the relationship the identified patient.
Repose Therapy’s Approach & Philosophy to Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling
At Repose, we inform our approach to marriage counseling and couples therapy by using the lens of attachment theory.
Our adult attachment styles are often reflective of the attachment styles we embodied in our childhoods. Human beings are wired to have a desire for connection and intimacy. However, childhood attachment wounds that lead to betrayal, abandonment, or heartbreak are often forgotten wounds in adulthood. These “invisible” wounds then inform how we show up as adults in our relationships. The way our parental attachment figured responded to our emotional needs shaped the attachment styles we grow to form as adults.
All of our expert couples therapists use attachment theory as the bedrock foundation for how they approach this delicate work.
Repose Therapy’s Gold Standard Approach
to Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT therapy) is an attachment-based approach to couples therapy created by Sue Johnson. It conceptualizes the negative, and often rigid interaction patterns that may exist in a relationship, whilst also bringing awareness to the emotional disconnection, unmet emotional needs, and insecure attachment that may exist in the relationship. Change or progress in EFT occurs, not from catharsis or skill-building, but more so from the expression of new emotional experiences, learned awareness of their partner’s emotional expression, that then transforms the interactional drama, particularly as it relates to the couple’s attachment needs and emotions. EFT is a brief short-term form of therapy that typically lasts between 8-20 sessions. It comprises of 3 stages de-escalation (which normally takes the bulk of the sessions), restructuring interactions, and consolidating gains
The Gottman Method for Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method method is an evidence-based form of couples therapy developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. It helps couples in achieving a deeper sense of understanding, awareness, empathy, and connectedness within their relationships, which leads to heightened intimacy and interpersonal growth. By combining therapeutic interventions with couples exercises, this type of therapy helps couples identify and address the natural defenses that may hinder effective communication and bonding. The 9 main components of the Gottman Method include: Building love maps, Sharing fondness and admiration, Turning towards (as opposed to turning away from each other), The positive perspective (seeing your partner as a friend, not an adversary), Managing conflict, Making life dreams come true, Creating shared meaning, Trust, and Commitment.
EMDR
EMDR is a more direct approach that directly targets your brain. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR can help you to quickly target unresolved relationship issues. EMDR can help you move past the experience of betrayal. By reducing the intensity of negative emotions around a negative event, you can allow yourself the opportunity to move. EMDR uses rapid eye movements to engage bilateral stimulation and enable healthy processing of these “STUCK” emotions and memories. EMDR also helps you target past trauma, that may be unconsciously influencing how you interact with your partner. EMDR helps to locate these buried wounds and process them. By tending to these past wounds, EMDR is able to help you lessen the feelings and emotions associated with these memories.
Internal Family Systems
Internal Family Systems therapy is a non-pathologizing take on psychotherapy. It highlights the multiplicity of the mind. It emphasizes the natural multifariousness of the mind. Its core assumption is that there are NO “bad” parts of us, only parts of us that have been pushed into taking on “bad” functions or roles. IFS seeks to equip folks with the ability to reach the Self so they can tend to their wounded parts and begin to live a self-led life. Hence, the IFS approach to couples therapy aims to help couples develop a deep and nurturing relationship between their many parts and their two expansive Selves, letting our partner become an important and necessary source of love but not our primary source of love.
How Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy at Repose Therapy can help your relationship with:
Conflict Resolution
At Repose, our couples therapists will equip you with the ability to engage in conflict resolution, whilst maintaining safety, by making effective repairs. This is done by engaging in de-escalation techniques, practicing psychological self-soothing, and learning to find compromise with one another.
Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling at Repose looks like your therapist creating a holding environment for you and your partner(s) to better understand each other and decide on a direction for your marriage or relationship. Whether that is divorce, separation, or one last try to make your relationship work. It is a short-term and intensive process that lasts 1-5 sessions.
Premarital Counseling
At Repose Therapy, you can expect to engage in a 12-week Secular Premarital Course that encompasses:
Defining your role beliefs and marriage expectations
Exploring how your past affects your future
Creating a plan to resolve existing conflicts
Transparently exploring money and finances
Speaking honestly about expectations and desires for sex
Exploring existing communications styles
Establishing values surrounding work and careers
Discussing and understanding views around the integration of families and friends
Setting boundaries on non-negotiables
Conscious uncoupling
Within Conscious Uncoupling, our couples therapists will help you and your partner(s) through the process of detaching from your partner(s). Uncoupling is complete when you and your ex can both define yourself as separate and independent from each other. This process is carried out with compassion, and support, to help facilitate a less painful transition.
Repose’ Therapy’s Approach Towards Inclusivity
Our team of clinicians work with heterosexual, queer, non-monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, gender-nonconforming, and trans relationships. We also work with mixed-race and mixed-nationality relationships, as well as second-marriages, blended families, adoption, and long-term relationships not defined by marriage. Our team consists of queer-identified, immigrant, POC, BIPOC, multi-national, multi-racial, and multi-lingual clinicians that are here to support you on your journey towards mutual healing.
Ready to begin Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy with Repose Therapy?
Schedule a consultation with a couples therapist
We make it simple to find support. Conveniently SELF-SCHEDULE A 15-MINUTE CONSULTATION so we can understand your reasons for seeking Couples therapy or Marriage counseling IN NEW YORK, NEW JERSEY, OR CONNECTICUT and gather information in the most efficient and sensitive way possible
Chat with our Client Concierge
During your consultation, your concierge will listen to you, ask questions, and discuss your options. Based on the information gathered, they will be able to recommend which of our SKILLED Couples Therapists would be well-suited to meet your unique needs.