Understanding Attachment-Based Therapy
You may see some therapists offering an ‘attachment-based’ therapy. This modality is based on the research begun by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. They studied how early childhood experiences with one’s caregivers set the stage for how one creates and maintains adult relationships. In short, attachment theory attempts to explain the common patterns in adult relationships that emerge from our early childhood experiences. There are 4 types of adult attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.
Anxious Attachment Style
An anxious attachment style emerges from having an inconsistent caregiver in early childhood. As adults, those with anxious attachment tend to have a strong fear of abandonment and tend to be very preoccupied with their relationships. People with an anxious attachment style tend to be very attuned to other people and notice very subtle shifts in their relationships. For example, if a partner is not responding to texts like they normally would, it could cause someone with an anxious attachment style to become very anxious about the relationship. It is important to note that having an anxious attachment style is not a bad thing. Those with an anxious attachment style tend to be very loyal and can connect with others very well. Strong communication with your partner and a partner willing to meet your needs can soothe someone with an anxious attachment style. Working with a therapist to learn coping strategies and self-regulation skills can help those with an anxious attachment style be more confident and secure in their relationships.
Avoidant Attachment Style
In childhood, an avoidant attachment style may develop when the child did not have had a responsive caregiver and may not have had their basic needs met. As an adult, they may show patterns of hyper-independence and not wanting to rely on others. They may fear commitment and may struggle with the idea of a long-term relationship. They may be uncomfortable with and avoid intimacy with others. Working with a professional can help those with avoidant attachment styles become more comfortable with trusting others and intimacy with others.
Disorganized Attachment Style
It is thought that a disorganized attachment style is the consequence of abuse or neglect in childhood. As adults, those with disorganized attachment styles tend to fear emotional intimacy. They may struggle to believe that others love and support them as they are and fear abandonment. They may yearn for intimacy but are afraid of it at the same time.
Secure Attachment Style
Those with a secure attachment style had their needs met as a child and had a caregiver soothe them in distress. As children they had the confidence to explore their environment, knowing that they had someone safe to come back to and protect them. As adults, they tend to have trusting relationships and do not fear intimacy. They tend to be able to share their emotions and needs with the people in their life. They also tend to have high self-esteem.
Working with a therapist can help you see patterns in your adult relationships and improve these relationships. Utilizing attachment theory as a guide, you can learn to navigate relationships with more ease and confidence.
It can be intimidating to learn about patterns in relationships and make those changes. Repose has many therapists trained in attachment-based therapy and they are willing and excited to help you along this journey. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy.