Acceptance Of What Cannot Be Changed: Radical Acceptance in Dialectical Behavior Therapy
All of us at one point or another will face situations that feel unbearable or cause intense pain. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a tool to decrease suffering in these situations by utilizing Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance has roots in Buddhism and says that by not accepting pain, we are causing ourselves more unnecessary suffering. Radical Acceptance is the ability to accept a situation that is outside of one’s control without judgment. Radical acceptance is a lifelong journey and it can be an extremely difficult practice.
It is important to note that acceptance does not mean approval. It is more than okay to not approve or like the current situation that you are in. It is also more than okay to feel sad or angry when difficult situations arise. It is also okay to want reality to change. But changing reality requires accepting it first.
There are tools and techniques to help facilitate your journey towards radical acceptance. First, take a deep breath and turn your palms up to a willing posture. Practice saying these phrases: “I can survive difficult emotions even if it is hard” and “These feelings will not be this intense forever, even though this feels very painful right now”. Notice that these statements allow you to acknowledge the difficulty of the situation that you are facing and allow yourself to be compassionate towards yourself. It is not judging yourself for having intense emotions, but noticing them and reminding yourself that you can make it through this situation. Another tip for practicing radical acceptance is to self-soothe with your senses. This could be practiced by going on a walk in nature, listening to your favorite music, soaking in a warm bath, or whatever self-care activities are helpful and available to you.
Adding a mindfulness practice to your day-to-day routine can also aid in your journey of radical acceptance. Mindfulness can be an intimidating practice to start. However, it can begin with even just taking a few moments every day to practice. Simply incorporating a short mindfulness walk everyday can be a great start. As you walk from your bedroom to your living room, you can take a moment to focus on each step and match your steps to each breath. Buddhist mindfulness teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, suggests adding a mantra as you walk such as “With each step, a gentle wind blows.”
It is important to note that radical acceptance is not applicable in all situations. If you are experiencing abuse or a dangerous living or work situation, radical acceptance should not be utilized. However, in situations such as a difficult life change, a breakup, or coping with other challenges that life can throw at us, radical acceptance is a great tool to prevent rumination and ease suffering.
DBT can offer tools to practice radical acceptance as well as other tools for managing intense emotions. Accepting reality and difficult circumstances can be a scary step to take but one that can offer a road to peace and new perspectives. Repose has many therapists trained in DBT and they are willing and excited to help you along this journey. CONNECT WITH US to learn more about TRAUMA THERAPY.