Lost in Translation: Navigating Interracial Relationships

A romantic relationship is the merging of two (or more) individuals’ worlds into one unique life together. Over time, partners form shared practices, norms, understandings, expectations and traditions. These shared practices are often easier to agree upon when all parties have similar backgrounds, histories and beliefs. Individuals of varying racial and/or cultural identities often grow up witnessing different relationship dynamics and thus have mismatched ideas of what a partnership looks like. When you choose to be with someone, you’re committing to being with and holding space for everything that made them who they are, including their culture and race. 

There are many struggles unique to interracial or intercultural relationships. Most disagreements stem from differences in priorities or value systems. All couples aim to have open communication about differences, but it is especially important in interracial relationships. An individual’s cultural and racial identity can shape their views on topics like sex, birth control, religion, finances, gender roles, privacy, diet, traditions, holidays, celebrations, gift giving and overall communication styles. The presence of cultural differences alone does not necessarily indicate a couple is incompatible, but the failure of a couple to recognize these differences and be vulnerable about how they make them feel can cause difficulties in the relationship. This can be avoided by approaching differences from a place of tenderness and curiosity. If you or your partner grew up in a household where feelings were not openly discussed, this ongoing open dialogue may be difficult for you to foster. Oftentimes, this is where couples or individual therapy can help work through concerns that arise from these dissimilarities. 

Another key component of navigating an interracial relationship is ensuring each individual is confident in who they are and what they want out of life with a partner. This includes supporting yourself and unpacking any unresolved individual trauma you may have. It is also crucial to tackle hidden biases or stereotypes you may hold as well. Although race is a social construct, the racial category someone is perceived to be impacts the level of privilege and discrimination they encounter. These different realities become even more prominent and meaningful for individuals in interracial relationships. This is especially important for White individuals dating people of color. White partners discounting their partner’s observations of prejudice and discrimination, may the partner of color may feel dismissed and disconnected from their significant other. The same can be applied to individuals of color with different racial identities and socioeconomic backgrounds. Instead of ignoring each other’s differences, partners can compare and discuss the parallels and divergences between their cultural beliefs and racial experiences. This creates room to appreciate the shared values partners have, while also encouraging space for different cultural beliefs. Sometimes it is hard to acknowledge the underlying biases we all have, but approaching conversations with an open mind and open heart  can further strengthen the bond between interracial partners. 

Although it’s easier to look at a relationship as partners interacting with each other, it is also important to consider the complex societal systems the couple lives within . Even if both partners put in the work to understand, appreciate and learn about their significant other’s background, there are always going to be external impacts of racism that are deeply embedded into the society we live in. These external stressors can range from judgement and derogatory comments from strangers in public and on social media, to being “disowned” or disinherited from family or community. Interracial couples often even face open intimidation and violence by members of each partner’s respective communities. This can cause a sense of isolation or loss of cultural identity, which can in turn put strain on and increase resentment in the relationship. Modern media pushes the concept that love is all you need to make a relationship last long term, when in reality love alone cannot conquer all obstacles. This becomes further emphasized if individuals in an interracial relationship are surrounded by mono-race couples who do not face the same judgement and discrimination from society. Couples cannot control how others will respond to their relationship, however they can choose to seek out support and acceptance from other individuals in similar situations through group forums, meet ups and group therapy designed specifically for individuals with similar circumstances

If you are in an interracial relationship or if any of these struggles resonate with you, do not lose hope. You are not alone. Approaching these issues with loving communication and curiosity is the key to strengthening your relationship. It’s okay to need a little extra support sometimes and individual, couples or group therapy can help. book a consultation to explore how individual and couples therapy with our expert relationship therapists can help strengthen your interracial relationship!